Living in my first apartment, I asked one of my buddies from math class to be my roommate since he was pretty chill and I figured if he was good at math he couldn’t be that bad to live with.
First weekend, I stocked the fridge with all sorts of great treats. The roommate really felt like he hit the jackpot with my food selections and started eating bits and pieces of practically everything I had, while at the same time not contributing to the fridge fund. Finally I decided to clarify my ownership of the food I bought by labeling my name “ZACK” on all of my stuff in the fridge, which amounted to about everything in the fridge. Still, this did not stop the roommie. He even went so far as to try to confuse me and buy a few things on his own and put them in the fridge, labelling it ZACK as well! Ultimate bologna-eating RF.

My ex-roommate used to let his girlfriend control his life. It got out of hand when she started trying to control mine. She came over one time and tried to control our TV and watch The Bad Girls Club. I had to tell her that the Oxygen channel wasn’t allowed on our TV, while he just sat there and watched us argue. RF!

Today I came home and noticed a brown paper bag on the floor by the couch. I thought that was strange since whenever I bring my lunch to work, I make it in the kitchen and bag it right there. I went to pick up the bag and looked inside. I saw and smelled a few globs of semen. My roommate doesn’t swallow (I know this because she likes to brag about it). RoommateFAIL!

My roommate at my first apartment complex used to have a strange fascination with zebras. He had the zebra-striped shower curtain and pillow covers. Weird, but no real cause to worry, I thought. One night, I brought this really hot chick I worked with over for some after dinner fun. I was supposed to be traveling for a meeting but the trip had gotten canceled, so I decided to make the best of it. When girl and I showed up at my place, we opened the door to see my roommate in full zebra body paint, laying on a towel, watching Friends. I didn’t get any action from my date that night, or any other night. RF

Freshman year, college dorm room. I had the bottom bunk in our room. One weekend I went back home. I knew my roommate would probably be taking advantage of my absence by banging his girlfriend on the top bunk. I got back late Sunday night and was ready to sleep. Imagine my surprise when I hit the pillow and there was a condom stuck to the back of my neck. The condom had fallen from above. RF

On my 21st birthday I was looking forward to getting drunk, and had accepted my fate–throwing up was entirely possible. After a few shots and beers I was well on my way and having a great time. Then my roommate threatened to kick any guy in the nuts who tried to buy me a drink. Later, she also tried to tell me she’d gotten me a shot of vodka–but it was really just water. RF

Sophomore year of college, my roommate and I had one rule for our dorm room. No sex on futon. One afternoon I’m coming back to the dorm with my parents after going grocery shopping and find that her and this douchebag ultimate frisbee guy were going at it on the futon. My parents loved that one. RF

When I first met my roommate freshman year, I noticed he had a strange necklace with some kind of prehistoric tooth on it. When I asked him if it was an alligator or a shark’s tooth, he shook his head. “It’s one of my wisdom teeth. I’m saving the others for an anklet.” RF

back when I lived in a dorm, we had to use a bathroom outside of our dorm suite. whenever i got my shower things together and trudged down to the nasty shower my roommate used this trigger as a sign to invite all of his friends over, to greet me when i came back to the room sopping wet wearing just a towel. thx for the privacy!

Today, my roommate was talking to his mom about his new fat girlfriend. For whatever reason, he told his mom that the girl bought condoms and planned to use them. Naturally his mom isn’t happy. I figured she’d be thrilled the lard ass is losing his virginity, but she’s not. He gets into a yelling match with his mom while I’m in the room and then screams, “They’re flavored! YOU FIGURE IT OUT!!” Roommate FAIL.